Better in their words…

Tired of repeating yourself and raising your voice? John Rosemond shares his take on why children stop listening—and how parents can change the conversation at home.

Source: Keep Calm and Be the Adult in the Room – by John Rosemond

JOHN ROSEMOND, OCT 06, 2026

“My five-year-old won’t pay attention to me unless I scream at him,” a mother tells me. Perhaps that explained the thin red lines lacing the whites of her eyes.

“And?” I asked.

Pause, and then, “I need your advice.”

Before I go further…

1. Most (almost all) discipline problems result from children not paying attention.
2. Today’s parents are experiencing not only MORE but MUCH, MUCH BIGGER discipline problems than did parents in the pre-psychological parenting days (pre-1970s).
3. It follows that today’s children are not paying attention to their parents and other adults like children once did (and not so very long ago).

Mental health professionals explain (3) with a diagnosis: attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD.

They say things like, “ADHD is brain-based,” when the FACT is, ALL behavior is brain-based. Nonetheless, it is significant to note that no consistent body of research has ever identified the neurological specifics of this supposed neurological condition.

Or, they say, “ADHD is gene-based,” but have never identified the gene.

Or, they say, “ADHD is caused by a biochemical imbalance,” but have never identified the biochemicals.

As usual, the mental health professional community is not only caught in yet another set of lies, but also caught shilling for Big Pharma…as usual.

Do I, your esteemed author, celebrated worldwide for his penetrating insight and boundless humility, know why so many children, these days, do not pay sufficient attention to their parents?

Of course I do!

The answer is in three parts:

1. Since the 1960s, the American family has become child-centered.
2. In a child-centered family, the parents pay WHOPPING GAZOOBLES of attention to the children.
3. Because of 1 and 2, the attention-saturated children do not pay attention to their parents.

Paying attention either goes in one direction or the other. Either a child understands it is (a) HIS responsibility to pay attention to his parents, or (b) his PARENTS’ responsibility to pay attention to HIM.

A child arrives at one of those two understandings by age three. If he arrives at (a), he will be relatively easy to discipline (train to do the right thing). If, on the other hand, he arrives at conclusion (b), his discipline will be a constant hassle, often involving lots of screaming and crying and rending of garments and other Old Testament things.

Now, about this “good parents pay as much attention to their children as they are humanly able…

Children, being naturally inclined toward all manner of sociopathy, require lots of SUPERVISION, as in knowing where they are, who they are with, and what they are doing.

But supervising and paying attention are horses of two entirely different colors. PAYING ATTENTION is being INVOLVED with one’s child—talking to, playing with, and other forms of ENGAGEMENT.

INDUBITABLE FACT: Save the first two years of life, which are a unique ball game, children do NOT require lots of ATTENTION.

When a mother is reading or doing housework and has one ear tuned to the noise coming from the playroom, that is SUPERVISING. When the same mother is IN THE PLAYROOM, sitting on the floor, playing with and talking to her child, that is PAYING ATTENTION. Get it?

American parents, en masse, began listening to mental health professionals around 1970. Those professional “experts” told them, and are telling them still, that causing a child to “feel good about himself” (i.e., develop high self-esteem) requires giving the child as much attention as possible. So, mothers began paying attention. Yes, mothers. Fathers don’t read parenting books.

As increasing numbers of parents gave increasing amounts of attention to their children, those children stopped paying attention to their parents – their mothers, especially. I must mention, however, that today’s typical father has allowed himself to be drawn into his wife’s child-centeredness. So, for example, the first thing he does when he gets home from work is play with his kids (as opposed to going into the den with his wife and telling the kids to go find their own amusements).

Here’s the operative axiom: THE MORE ATTENTION YOU GIVE A CHILD, THE LESS HE WILL GIVE TO YOU.

“So, John,” a reader responds, “I’m the parent you’re talking about. Unfortunately, I see myself in this essay. What do I do now that I’ve created two monsters who are seven and five, or is it too late?”

The GOOD NEWS, my dear, is first, you recognize that I am writing about YOU; and second, you are willing and hopefully determined to reverse the course of things in your household.

Reversing the present status of things involves incorporating what I call ALPHA SPEECH into your interactions with your children and STICKING WITH IT.

Alpha Speech sounds like this:

• “Why do you think it’s my job to solve that problem for you?”
• “I’m not here to be your playmate.”
• “I have more important things to do than (do what said child wants). Besides, you are fully capable of doing that for yourself.”
• “Can’t you see I’m reading? You don’t need a mother right now, and I’m not going to be one.”
• “You can cry about it if you want, but from now on, crying is to be done ONLY in your room.”
• “That’s not important, and from now on, I only deal with important things.”

And yes, to a child who has never heard Alpha Speech, it will come as a shock; he will think it is “mean,” and it will take him a while to get used to it. Stay the course. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Never give up; never surrender. Keep calm and carry on. Be the adult in the room.

Last but CERTAINLY not least: Keep reading this Substack. And please tell your friends and family how deliciously liberating it is.

Know a parent who’s tired of repeating—and raising—their voice? Share this with them.

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