Better in their words…

Your children’s education does not require your constant attention—or your constant exhaustion.

Source: Homeschooling? Teach the Lesson. Leave the Room.

Your children’s education does not require your constant attention—or your constant exhaustion.

JOHN ROSEMOND

OCT 13, 2026

Responding to my September 21 post, “When Mothers Stopped Being Interesting,” Sarah asks, “How do these comments and [your] other ideas square with being a homeschooling mother to two children?”

She goes on to say, “By definition, I do a lot with/for them, and it is all-consuming most of the time! I do try to get them [to do] for themselves though and help around the house.”

Thank you for an excellent question, Sarah. Many, many homeschooling moms have asked the same question. In every case, they assume, as do you, that homeschooling REQUIRES (as you put it, “by definition”) giving an abundance of attention to the children. You can’t get around it (supposedly). It goes with the territory (supposedly). That’s just the way it is (supposedly).

Not true…not true at all.

The homeschooling mother takes what the culture expects of mothers, homeschooling or not, and transfers it to the homeschool. The culture says the Good Mommy pays as much attention to her child as possible, does as much for her child as possible, and solves all her child’s problems. Post-1960s “parenting” has turned the typical American mother into an enabler and the mother-child relationship into a textbook example of co-dependency.

When you tell me, Sarah, that “By definition I do a lot with/for them, and it is all consuming most of the time!” you’re telling me you’ve bought into the Good Mommy Myth. Your constant exhaustion is not the natural consequence of homeschooling; it’s the consequence of being in a co-dependent relationship with your kids in which you’re the exhausted martyr mommy and they are your burdens to bear.

The more you enable (“By definition, I do a lot with/for them….”), the more they act as if they require enabling. That co-dependent spiral is indeed all-consuming.

The typical homeschool mom believes the more attention she gives her kids and energy she pours into her tasks, the more academically successful her children will be. History and research fail to confirm those assumptions.

HISTORY: In the 1950s, the average teacher/pupil ratio in American public schools was 1/28, and it was rare for a teacher to have an aide, even in the lower grades. That’s an average, mind you. In some cases, one elementary teacher was found teaching more than 50 children! And yet, by all accounts, overall classroom discipline was hardly the MAJOR ISSUE it is today, and student achievement was SIGNIFICANTLY HIGHER. (My first-grade class consisted of 50 children and ONE teacher. I’m absolutely certain she had fewer discipline problems in a year than today’s first-grade teacher is having during the first WEEK of school.)

In the overcrowded (by today’s standards) 1950s classroom – trust me on this…I was there! – it was impossible for the teacher to give much individual attention to any student. AND YET, STUDENT ACHIEVEMENT WAS HIGHER THAN ITS EVER BEEN SINCE!

RESEARCH: The best research discovered an inverse relationship between the time parents spent helping their children with schoolwork and student achievement. Regardless of student IQ or family demographics, less translated to more.

For those historical and empirical reasons, I encourage homeschooling moms to teach any given subject for ten or fifteen minutes, give an assignment, and LEAVE THE ROOM. Stay gone for thirty minutes or so, then come back, grade the assignment, give the children feedback, and repeat…and repeat…and repeat.

Also, use a homeschool curriculum that is designed for LOW INVOLVEMENT on the part of the mom. Unlike the case when modern homeschooling was in its infancy, there’s a plethora of such programs out there.

Today’s mom, homeschooling or not, thinks it’s her responsibility to teach her children HOW to solve problems. Not so. It’s a mom’s (and dad’s) responsibility to give their children the freedom to figure out the HOW on their own.